| Grimorium_Obscura |

+with spider webs,dust and mites..RETURNING FROM THE ASHES+

2007-02-21T12:49:06Z

Im back.

Its been a while since i posted something here. it has been filled with spider webs, covered with dust..and mites. it's been a millenia since i touched this journal. quite frankly, i find it odd looking to those things i have posted here. nothing really substansial *?* but mostly full of crap.

i cant even say that all the things that i will be posting here will make sense. i find it adorable, taking my few steps back and relinquish the so called LIFE which i haven't been able to grab for some time. just a thought, if things didn't get a little squashy or if i didn't aligned myself with something else i could still have the piece of me which was thrown away few months ago...now. let me go back the basics and touch again the side which i wasn't been able to sustain for a period of time.

For sometime, i have always heard people saying "sticking something for yourself..* quite evidently i find this thing very true now that i have been able to see my life and putting it to hermitage. Funny but during those times i was able to know more about myself and seeing it outside my world that i once knew. heck did i knew that this is going to be hard for me as well as with my Mom when we left my sister's abode for some antagonizing reasons...need not to question those since you could pick the pieces on my previous posts.

I will not devulge myself speaking about love.

But the mere fact that i secluded myself for quite sometime. i realized how is it to feel loved and hated at the same time, being dumb and numb, being hurt and be happy. sometimes, i question myslef if it is indeed love overtakes me or it's being overly taking my whole being without abrupt complain aside of getting hurt and being blind for short-dumbness.

or did i say i dinjt want to talk about love?

A lot of things to write about...check it later.

+ ilang utot na lang, malapit na din... +

2006-05-02T07:49:10Z

Im glad thats it's finally taking over, little by little, they fall on it's place. Soon, magkakaroon na ako ng job, hopefully kung makakapasa ako sa final interview ko. which is the CABIN CREW INTERVIEW *Flight Steward Interview*. naks.

Tama si mama, di ko na kailangan pang isipin yung mga problema. kung magpapadala ako sa mga yan. dehado, ako rin ang talo sa huli. Why would i waste my time thinking about them when in reality im just a plain trash in their eyes. *like i care*. tama rin si mama, i have to focus more on my life and build what i want to happen. di ko na rin kailangang dibdibin pa to dahil it will only ruin my plans.hehehe.

Finally, the only thing thats important to me as of now is myself, jane, my mom and some people who's still willing to share their life with me. kahit komplikado akong tao, aminado ako dun. like what i have said. its done na. everything's been said and done. i wouldnt look back, but rather face the future. dont get me wrong, what i mean is, i dont need to look back on my faults and my mistakes and linger on it all the time. nakakasira lang ng ulo.

In the days to come, my niece and my nephew, together with my brother in law will arrive. i dunno what will happen, in the coming days, soon, my sister will arrive. rumble ito. pero dibale, once i have my job makakatakas din ako sa mga makukulit na yun.*take note love ko pa din yung mga yun* hehehe.

I had my talk with my mom. one on one. believe me, i learned a lot. sabi nia,di naman daw sukatan sa isang tao kung ano ka or sino ka, or ano ang naging kinahinatnan mo, ang mahalaga natuto kang ITAMA ang mga mali at natutu kang PUMILI ayon sa kagustuhan mo.

nalaman ko rin that when she has to work at iwanan ako sa bahay magisa * im barly 7-14, nababasa pala nia yung mga letters ko sa kanya praying to God na sana maging ok sia at wag siang pabayaan. makakatulugan ko daw yun.tapos pag uwi nia ng madaling araw mababasa daw nia yun sa tabi ko. hehe. di ko maalala pero answeet ko pala nun. hehehe

11th month na namin ni Jane,and soon one year na kami. isipin nyo na gusto niong isipin. wala akong pakialam. basta masaya ako TAPOS. hehehe.

o sia. magpapaalam muna ako. :) magpopost nalang ako sa susunod. :)

+ So much things to do, so little time...` +

2006-04-18T02:02:06Z

Ive been terribly agitated with the scorching heat of the sun. so many things to do, so little time. earlier yesterday i went to school to fix my school records, to my dismay, the guards did not allow me to enter because i was wearin my sando though i was weain my shoes, i got pissed off coz the last time i entered the school i was in my sando and slippers.but then eventually i got in and did what i have to do.

the more i see her everyday, the shorter time it gets...hmm

btw, i got the pictures na from katrina...finally. the pictures were good.hahaha. buti na lang di sinama ni kat yung pic na busabos. ahahaha KAHIYAHIYA YON!

thanks kat for the wonderful pics. hehehe. yan ba yung sa slr mo? galeng!

ayun, actually, i just woke up...another LONNNGGGG and BORIINNG day. i wanna work na. cant stay home like dis doin nothing with no money. dang!

raket anywone?

+ PosT- mOrtem +

2006-04-15T10:01:36Z

Ive been really fascinated with the art of "Photographing the dead" also known as "Post mortem photography"

la lang, natutuwa lang ako kasi may eerie feeling at the same time yung importance ng death and how they regarded, during those times the term DEATH.

fascinated din ako sa mga 18th century to early 1900's na mga pics, sepia toned pics. may black and white na parang kapanahunan pa ni draculae

FAMILY AFFAIR

...for you

2006-04-11T01:57:29Z

i know you are reading this.

you know who you are.

now i know who you really are. talking behind my back. tsk tsk tsk.

i learned where you hide. i learned what YOU have said.

i trustd you and YOU have ruined it.

some things are left to be unspoken. i'll leave you with that.

let's just see what happens.

system shutdown.....!@#%^**()_+

+ tagaytay pics...+

2006-04-01T05:06:32Z

+ NARANASAN MO NA BA NA MAHULI KAYONG MAGSEX? +

2006-03-15T04:20:48Z

well, read this...

a friend told me this story starbucks kami nian si RAIN, JANE, CATHY, KAI and ME:

there were 3 known trees...one is named narra, another named acacia, and another was named molave. these trees dreamed to become something or someone someday. these dreams were something that they really wanted to achieve their whole life. while thinking, they thought of praying to God. Narra prayed that he was to be cut down, he wanted that his bark to be used as a treasure box. he also wanted that only fine gold and jewels and precious treasures will be kept in it. on the other hand, acacia wanted to be used ,if he would to be cut down, in a big boat were he can travel the whole world and witness its wonders. on the contrary, molave, wishes to stay as he is because all his life he just wanted to be looked up by the world. were people can see his enormous beauty to look up to.

but then all along...as they passed by...things turned out differently. narra was used as crib, acacia was used in a fisherman's boat, and molave was cut down, he was used to kill a person...

they blamed God for all these. for they think they weren't heard by God. all along they said foolish things and madness took over them...without realizing that all the prayers were heard.

NARRA: he was used as a crib to keep a priceless treasure ever to be put in it. lying in the manger, he was surrounded by a woman and a man together with 3 kings from the south. the baby in the crib was the Messiah.

ACACIA: 13 people was in the fisherman's boat...there was a great storm that took place when they went to the sea. Acacia witnessed the wonders of this person who was in the boat, when the great storm arrived. he witnessed this persons power to calm the sea. hearing it saying "FAITH". That person was called Jesus.

MOLAVE: Molave was used to kill a person, Molave said "all my life i just wanted to be looked upon by people..." Molave witnessed this person's agony while Molave was being carried.until Molave was behind this person until the last of its breath...feeling all the pain and torment.without realizing that...the cross that the person he was with was being looked upon by the whole world until now...

You see, from the story, again i realized so many things....kahit na lam ko mabigat yung pinagdadaanan ko ngayon sobrang bigat. Ive been wallowing inside my room for 2 days already. grabe ang hirap...

mahabang story to. but just to let you know, jane and I didnt broke up, we still love each other so much. loving her more everyday. its just that, when things seems to get on track, there are also things that come your way.

Im about to leave the country for a month to work in Japan. by May ill return but tentatively ill just be back here just to fix my papers. It kills me to know that ill be leaving her behind. Im doing this thing not only for myself. I know its hard, and i have the choice if i wanted to stay. but the thing is, life today is not wat it seems. everyday it gets harder, i need to sacrifice my happiness because i wanted to give my Mom and Jane a better life in future.I dont want to struggle and have my family here without a stabel Job and everything. I wanted to give them the best, also for my mom who is suffering from diabetes, with not enough money to support her med. now that im graduating, i promised her that ill give her my best. on the other hand, I told jane that im doing this because i wanted that when i get beack here...PAKAKASALAN KO SIA at gusto ko maging handa kami sa kahit ano.

Isa pa. something happened 2 days ago. Jane came home from Palawan, we stayed in Santol Sta Mesa because she was very tired and i wanted to spend time with her. Mom didnt know that ill be doing this. because im afraid that i might hear something from her na "kesho si Jane na naman" and I know she's really jealous, minsan kasi nakakapgsalita si mama ng nakakasakit sakin hearing neghative things about Jane, minsan ok sia kay bubu ko, minsan di ko alam kung pinaplastic nia lang to kasi mahal ko...pero you know what, he reason why i didnt tell her about my plans of staying in santol is because of that. baka kasi di nia ako payagan o kaya marinig ko na "bakit wala bang pamasahe yun pauwi? may pasundo sundo pa" although di naman nia sinabi yun, im afraid that she might say it.

Ayun nga things got worse. when we went to Santol, i never thought my mom would come. My mind got stucked. syempre, ayun, magkatabi kami ni Jane matulog, namiss ko na talaga kasi sia. nawala sa isip ko na nailock ko pala ang pinto.so ayun nga.napasarap yung tulog namn
maya maya, my mom knocked. never realizing she would come over...my God, my sweat right all over my face...naka brief pako nun, pero guys wala namang nangyari samen,pagod yung tao...lambing lambingan lang... nabasa rin kasi ako ng ulan, atsaka that time mejo mainit, araw-ulan kasi e...so yun, pero may shirt naman ako nun, si jane nakabihis naman yun.di xempre sa taranta, nakalimuytan kong magpans, so nagtago ako sa likod ng pinto. pero nung binuksan ko thank god di nia chineck yung pants ko. so ayun bumaba si mama. tapos yun na nga, bumaba ako pero di pa rin bumababa si Jane kasi natakot din ata. so pagbaba ko di ako kinikibo ni mama. that time may pasalubong si Jane kay mama mga daing napusit at daing. tapos umakyat uli ako para sabihin kay Jane na bumaba a magsorry, after 10 minutes sumunod kamo sia. ok GO!. mayamaya, pagbaba ko after 10 minutes bumaba naman sia...sabay bati..."HELLO PO Tita..."pagbaba ni Jane, di man lang sia pinansin...alam mo ginawa ng mama ko? naglabas ng pera, pambayad dun sa pasalubong.sabi ni mama "O ETO BAYAD KO DUN SA DAING..." sabi ni Jane "AY TITA DI NA PO, OK LANG PO" sabi naman ulit ni mama "SIGE NA KUNIN MO NA TO..." sabay tigin ni Jane saken tas, umiling ako then back to my mom "TITA DI NA PO, PASALUBONG PO YAN..." then binalik ni mama yung pera.pagbalik nung pera, di na pinansin ni mama si Jane...and really it broke my heart...thaat situation tangina, pagnaaalala ko, naawa talaga ako kay Jane...sobra...pero ang tapang nia. naharap parin nia si mama kahit ganun...pero yung feeling na nanliliit alam mo yun? sabi nga nung mga frioends ko eh, kng sila daw yun tatalon na daw sila sa building o mghahanap nang butas sa bahay. hinawakan ko sa kamay si Jane. just to let her feel na nandun ako...ang higpit ng hawak nia...maya maya I decided na umakyat sia sa taas, and i told her that. nung aakyat na sia she said "tita akyat na muna po ako". deadma pa rin si mama nun. parang walang nakita...again it broke my heart. gusto ko na umiyak nun...as in, but i have to hide what i feel kasi may ibang tao sa bahay nun. after sometime i decided to go up stairs...akyat ko ng hagdan nakita ko na may tulo sa floor, i thought yung labahin nung brder namn but when i went to my room, i saw Jane crying...feeling helpless....naiiyak tlaga ako pero i need to be strong. alam nio yun? ang sakit lang kasi...niyakap ko sia, napaupo sia sa floor na parang she would break down...i lifted her up and hugged her tightly as i could...telling her "di kita iiwan tandaan mo yan, nandito lang si bubu mo" and so, i kissed her and hugged her again and assured her ill never leav her side...after dat bumaba kami nagpaaalam ksia kasi uuwi na sia, hinatid ko sia sa sakayan ng taxi tas pagbalik ko, umuwi kami ni mama sa Novaliches ng di nagpapansinan.

Nagusap na kami pero sa sobrang haba ng entry baka tamarin na kayo.

Nwey, masakit lang yung mga nangyari saken, ang gusto ko lang is sana bago man lang ako makaalis, maging ok sila ni mama, yung tipong di ako magaalala kahit nasa malayo sia, she could go here whenever she feels lonely or something, i want her to have a bond with my mom which may seem far from reality na after the incedent...now im planning to talk with my mom one on one. and then, after that we "jane and I " will talk with my mom....mahal na mahal ko si Jane, sobra...sabi ng ng katulong namen na sssooooobbbrrang! bait. sabi nia, "Junelle kailangan mong gumawa ng paraan jan sa problema mo, wag mong hahayaan yan, dahil baka ang ending nio mawala si Jane sayo." aba di naman ako papayag nun...tangina, susuungin ko yan. with God's help, kakayanin ko to. namen to. Sana lang talaga maging maayos ang lahat.

madami pa Junelle. madami pang pagdadaanan.

_-HEART WrEcK-_

2006-03-13T13:58:57Z

Today is a total heartwreck.not a heartwreck that you think of.

today my tears just bursted.ill just gonna miss her.

emotional turbulence part 2.

the days will be different.

there will be time that ill be telling you guys about this.

+ ZzzZZ +

2006-02-26T17:35:02Z

Hindi ako makatulog ngayon. hindi ko alam kung bakit.

hmmm...

sa dami ng kaguluhan ngayon, bakit kung kailan nagmarso saka nagkaroon ng declaration na walang pasok?
kung tutuusin nga, di naman masyadong lala ng sitwasyon nung nangyari kanina. nasensationalize lang yung story. any government even private sectors may mga internal predicaments eh. the thing is this time it's just that ngayon mejo nagiging O.A na ang mga tao ngayon.
instead of focusing on the development and progress of this country tayo rin ang nagiging dahilan kung bakit tayo bumabagsak.

haaayy pinoy...

anyways. gaya nga ng sabi ko kanina, imbes na tapos na yung mga gagawin ko at kung tutuusin 2 days na lang eh tapos na kami, nampota nagkaudlot udlot pa. alam mo yun? badtrip kasi kung kelan graduating ka, andami pang pakipot. andami pang chismis. di ba pwedeng ibigay mo na ayung pinakakaasam na examination at oral recitation ng matapos na ito? nabibitin kasi. paexcite pa amp.

teka.napagisip isip ko, mag na 9 months na kami ni Jane. hehe. hindi sa nagbibilang ako ah. pero wala lang. in 3 months 1 year na kami.

nyahaha. pero sa 3 buwan marami ang pwedeng mangyari.

haaayyyy...

inaantok na ako.

pero pag humihiga ako nawawala antok ko...

badrip.

+

2006-02-21T13:10:53Z

hindi na ako natutuwa sa mga nangyayari ngayon. simula ng nagkaroon ng ADFEST. marami na ang nagbago sa paligid ko.

o dili naman kaya ako ang nagbago?

--> ENTABLADO.

Oo alam ko. na isang buwan na lang ako bibigyan ng baon ng kapatid ko at isang buwan na lang akong kakain ng libre galing sa bulsa ng magulang ko.

Aaminin ko, malungkot ako kasi ganon. pero mas higit pa diyan ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. TAKOT.

Nasanay kasi akong mabuhay sa maayos na buhay na lahat sayo ibibigay, na kung pwede nga lang sila na ang uutot para sayo. Nasanay akong mabuhay na may libreng pagkain araw araw c/o of my Sisterette na kung magtrabaho eh kulang na lang maging isang buhay na makina na 2 oras lamang matulog. Nasanay akong gumastos na galing sa bulsa ng ibang tao.

alam ko nababawan kayo kasi feeling niyo yun lang talaga ang habol ko. hindi. natatakot ako kasi parang ngayon lang ako nakapg isip isip ng maayos. im being disoriented ryt now, subjecting myslef in the underlying conlusions that in the coming months im not going to be what i am ryt now, HUNDI NA AKO ESTUDYANTENG NAGTRATRABAHO kundi isa ng TAONG NAGTRATRABAHO *huh?* basta yun na yun. wag ng umangal.

kanina kasama ko si Jane kanina, hindi ko alam kung ano ang pumasok sa isip ko ngayon kung bakit all of a sudden bigla akong natahimik bigla. napagisip ng sobrang lalim.indeed, this day has been a wonderful but extremely a formidable torture for me. lahat ata ng realizations naisip ko na. hindi ko alam kung nakukuha ni Jane yung sinasabi ko sa sobrang complicated ng explanations ko, hindko na nga din maintindihan yung mga sinasabi ko eh.

Im just living in this fear na. pagkalipas ng isang buwan. after March 20 pagdilat ng mata ko sa ika 21 ng Marso na ako, na si JUNELLE RAYOS na ang bubuhay sa kanyang sarili. it will be a new and different world outside the world that i used to be in. natatakot ako sa mga magiging desisyon ko. natatakot ako sa kahahantungan ko. natatakot ako na mali yung maapakan ko. takot akong magsabing...

TANGINA, have i known this sana...

putang ina...yung word na SANA.

i hate that kind of feeling. tama ang sabi ni Gem. u should hate regrets. e pano naman mahehate ang regrets kung nangyari na? are we really sure we could escape this REGRETS?

I realized andami palanag bagay na pinakawalan ko. naisip ko kasi after ng ADFEST....

TALAGANG ETO NA BA TO?

eto na ba ang LAST EFFORT KO after 20 years living and learning? eto na ba yung HULING REQUIREMENT PARA MAKAPUNTA KA SA SUSUNOD NA BUHAY? *tungerds, hindi yung kabilang buhay na iniisip nio ha*

eto na nga ba talaga at dito na nga ba magtatapos ang lahat.

naaalala ko tuloy yung videos kanina sa Auditorium. nakakalungkot kasi...

di na ako madalas makakalakad sa corridor ng CEU.
Mamimiss ko yung Mcdonalds sa Laco.
wala ng yosi break sa tapat ng Mcdo.
di na ako madalas sasakay sa LRT na may katabing malakas ang putok.
di na rin ako masisita ng manong guard na mahilig manita ng buhok. *mamimiss ko din yun*

as i was wondering. thinking about the years ive spent in CEU. naalala ko pa nung nagsisimula pa lang ako.

walang muwang sa college life. take note tirik pa yung likod ng buhok ko nun. excited sa buhay college. naging kaibigan ko yung iba dun. namiss ko din yng mga BAGYO days nun sa CEU. ang saya kasi madaming taong stranded. tas halfday. tas imbes na umuwi lalamyerda muna sa kung saan. nakakamiss yung tumambay at maranasan yung LAHAT NG BAGO sa College life.

shet. sobrang haba ng entry neto pasensha na. nalulungkot lang talaga ako...

mamimiss ko rin yung Razz. yung Lourdes na wala na ngayon. Yung Ever recto na wala na rin ngayon. ang SM Manila. lahat...

Old lovers. yung first time kong masaktan ng sobra dahil kay CM.

mga Eksena at kung ano ano pa.

inuman. lahat yan... afterng adfest...parang kandilang nauubos. mamatay din.

---> Ang BOLPEN.

dahil sa bolpen na SANISCENT, na isang produkto ng tropa ko for adfest, nagkawatak watak kami ngayon.

magkaaway ngayon cla cathy and mimi, and now, as in wala na talaga. mukhang tapos na yung pagkakaibigan namen.

ang babaw. pero dahil jan marami ang nagugat.

pati kami nila Gem and Win, mukhang nagkakalmagian na.

Im sorry.

I know, marami rin akong pagkukulang and aaminin ko, ako din naman may kasalanan. i will not justify anymore. IM SORRY.

marami ang magbabarkada ang nagkasiraan dahil sa ADFEST. and it pains me to know that with this, lahat marami ang pwedeng mabago.

nakaklungkot kasi marami na din kaming napagsamahan nila e.r. rain and cathy, with mimi and jc na rin happy moments and all. all wasted. dahil lang dito.

indeed. another emotional turbulence ito.

i just hope. bago man lang matapos ang taon. maging ok ang lahat.

----> ADFEST 2006.

Gulong ng Palad.

kung nakaraang Sem, tumambad sa harap namen ang sangkaterbang awards, umakyat sa stage ng ilang beses na di mabilang at humakot ng ilang awards e sya namang kabaliktaran ngayon.

wala kaming nakuhang NI ISANG AWARD.

opo.

out of 24 entries. at 140 plus Trophies. walang nakuha ang grupo namen.

nakakalungkot isipin. oo masakit pero at least i know, that i did not expect that much na rin dahil in my heart, it wasnt like LIGAW SA QUIAPO.

may kulang e. PUSO.
wala doon yung drive. i dont know what happened.

ok lang naman saken na walang makuha e. dahil i know. OUTSIDE is where the real world is taking place. the real competetion there is.

ayoko na magsalita ng tapos.

pero God help me in whatever i do. ill take this scenario as my source of drive.

i realized so many things.

and it will not stop me to take the path i will choose.

-----> walang nanalong hindi natalo.

at hihintayin ko yung oras na yun....

+ I HEART YOU.bet you didnt know i stealed your girlfriend. +

2006-02-14T18:23:58Z

grabe. kaka pagod. taena. parang gusto nang bumigay ng katawan ko ngayon. taena. para akong robot ngayon. MULTI-TASKING ang gnagawa ko ngayon.

pucha magtuturo ka ng sayaw.
tas sasabayan ka ng school requirements na alang a wenta wenta.
tas sasalubungin ka pa ng kamalasan sa pag-ibig *na aking ikukuwento maya maya lamang*
tas sasabayan ka pa ng ADVERTISING.

lintek na buhay to o.

bago ang lahat nais kong batiin kayong lahat ng

HAPPY VALENTINES

pero shempre. di ako papahuli jan.

di ako papahuli sa mga eksena.

again. muntikan ng sumablay ang lahat. akala ko mawawala na ng tuluyan si Jane saken. salamat kay Lord at napatunayan ko din sa sarili ko kung gano ko talaga sya kamahal. mas naapreciate ko na sya ngayon. mas mamahalin. at mas aalagaan.

putangina naman kasi. bakit ba pag tungkol sa mga EX ang pinaguusapan taena nasisira ang lahat?
tapos na nga diba? e bakit pag tungkol na sa mga EX ang ibubungad parang pati yung ngayon naapektuhan?

ang masasabi ko lang.tangina niya gago siya.

nagkaroon pa kami ng DAOMINGSI-SAN CHAI scene malapit sa San beda.

Ako si San Chai, sia si Daomingsi. ang kinaibahan lang mas gotik ang dating ko kesa sa kanya. bwahahahha.

anyways, ayun nga. dahil sa usapang EX at araw araw na pagaaway, sumuko ako. pero di ko pa rin pala siang kayang mawala. mahal na mahal ko sia. at kahit isang damukal na EX ang tumambad sa harap ko. sa kanya at sa kanya pa rin ako babalik.

at dahil valentines eto gift nia saken. :)

ayan...hehe.

so eto bati na kame at sana dis time ok na lahat.

-->

part 2

ahahahah. eto ang nakakatawang eksena sa shoot namen.
tignan nio naman. kamusta naman si Julie mauhaw?

direk:ok guys kaialangan makita ko yung feeling ng pagkauuhaw. titingin kayo kay jhertte habang umiinom ng Guzzle ok?
people op d world: *tanguan*
direk:in 5 4 3 2 1 and...
*camera on kikays*
then *kamera on julie wid nerd...*

ahahaha

taena.
o san ka pa. ewan ko na lang...eto pa o.

aytenkyu baw. :)

+ Minsan.masarap matulog.kahit ayaw pa ng isip mo. +

2006-02-08T16:57:06Z

Uh uh yeah!. graduation is fast approaching.kaya lang ang daming kailangang gawin badtrip.

matagal na din akong di nakakapagupdate, aminado ako dun. e sa ngkaterba ba naman ang atupagin mo di ka ba naman ma kwang kwang.

anyweys.

ive been dealing with our ADVERTISING Festival /Requirement for this sem.

ahahaha.

you wouldnt believe this.

MAY TALENT PALA SI JULIE

yes si JULIE

a.k.a JUKIE FUKIE na dating tinatanaw ko lang sa bmga blog entries nia. na inaiidolize ko e akalain nyong

LUMABAS SA COMMERCIAL NAMEN?

ahahaha

yes. winner talaga ang lokaret niong lola.

at...

take note.

iba pala sia pag nauuhaw.

tanena. kakabaliw.

the shoot? in U.P. sa Palma. dahil sa wala ng panahong maghanap ng magandang location we just picked the place because we think its quite close to what we perceive.

pati gelpren ko naki papampam na din

pati ako.

akalain mong, kaeksena ko si JULIE. ahahaha

nako julie magparamdam ka. booohhh!!!

and now. di ko na alam kahihinatnan ng editing. aw pakingshite.

anyways. i just hope everything turns out well and good.

di bale konting tiis Junelle. Gagradweyt na rin kayu...I HOPE.

nyahahaha.

ZzzZzz..

+ iN ObLiviON +

2006-01-22T16:26:13Z

ano kaya ang feeling na magkaruon ng ganyang ka kyut na anak?

wala lang, naitanong ko lang.

para kasing nakakatuwa, parang everyday may uuwian kang anak na ganyan ka bibo at ka kyut.
nasabi ko nga kay Jane eh, kung magkakaroon kami ng anak, ang ipapangalan namen pag babae ay ANISSA TRISTESSA or ANISSA JEZRIEL
wala lang ulet. gusto ko lang maishare.

hmmm teka, ano nga bang nangyari sa mga nakalipas na araw?

sa sobrang dami kasi minsan hindi ko na alam kung ano at kung alin ang ikukwento, feeling ko naman kasi di naman kailangan ipaglantaran sa buong mundo lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay ko.

e gago bakit pa pala ako nag e eLJ?

tae. aymsolaym.

sO, kailangan talaga nakapose yung kuha ko jan?

so whats the point?

W...........a......l.............a...............L........a....N.g

bwahahahahaha. nakakaaning, shet..uber sa pagkanonsense ang mga sinasabi ko...

1...

2..

3.

exhale....inhale....exhale...xhale...nhale...hale...hale...ale...ale...le...le...e...e.........

ayan.

netong mga nakaraang araw, masyado na ata akong naging workaholic dahil sa sangkaterbang concern sa skul.
sa katunayan nyan, bumigay ang katawan ko *take note:sa katawang ito tinatablan pa sya ng sakit* dahil ilang gabi na rin kaming nagpupuyat sa kakaisip sa kung ano ang gagawin sa ADVERTISING.

since nasa advertising kame, of course required kami gumawa ng commercial.
at gumawa ng radio jingle and plug
at gumawa ng PRINT ad.
at gumawa ng AHENSYA.

AT

makipagdebate
maglamyerda
makipagusap sa kung sinosinong tao
mag BRAINSTORM...na awa ng diyos sa 9 ng FEB na ang pasahan at ngayong araw na ito nagpalit ulit kami ng concept sa commercial na supposedly nextweek na kami dapat mag shoot.

at

Mag GUZZLE because it's the ONLY Carbonated tea DRINK that refreshes, cleans and replinshes your body liquids, with all the natural goodness of tea all at the same time.

because...

life is like GUZZLE you'll never know what you'll gonna get!

comes in 2 flavors. strawberry and raspberry flavors.

BWAHAHAHHAHAHA.

at dahil jan. ilang beses din naming tinangkang magpatingin sa doktor dahil sa mga kakaibang sintomas na lumlitaw tuwing kami ay nagkakasama gaya ng..

1.pakikipagtitigan ng walang dahilan.
2.pakikipag usap sa isang babae na nagngangalang RACHEL na walang ginawa kundi sumagaot ng kakaiba...sampol?

*during the ice breaker:PINOY HENYO*
sagot: MANILA ZOO

Rachel: ahm....tao?
kame: hindi
R:hayop?
kame:hindi...hmmm...pwede
R:bagay?
kame:hindi!!!!
R:APPLIANCES?
kame: HINDI!!!
R: AH! WASHING MACHINE!!!!
kame:Bwahahahaha ahahahahhha nayahhahahhaha hahahahahhahaha!!!

3.lumamon ng lumamon
4.lafftrip sa madaling araw
5.maglakad habang kausap ang hangin
6.iidlip lang daw...diretso sa bangungot
7.magimbento ng mga kakaibang inumin
8.makisandal sa pasahero sa FX kahit di kilala
9.hindi pagpasok ng OJT dahil sa pagod
10. PAGKAKASAKIT ng 3 araw na may kasamang pananakit ng katawan sipon ubo...at madalas na panunuod ng JEWEL in the PALACE.

ayun nga. so for short, nagkasakit nga ako. at for the first time i realized the IMPORTANCE of reading books.

yes.

precisely

definitely

exactly

actually!

well actually, naging rough din ing mga weeks na ito emotionally, ive been in the rollercoaster of emotions that has been swinging in my system for sometime.

ive had a big relationship collapse which fortunately did not collapse but have been to "ALMOST"
suddenly there is a sudden rush of yet another emotional dispense which i will not be mentioning here.
a lot of stuffs have been going around. and i dont know why im starting to feel different because of the fact that, before i wasnt that sensitive enough on what they say about me. well i always say, "give the F**K around, i dont care" or "tangina naman pala walang pakialamanan" but lately, when they say rough words in my face of behind my back, i could hear my system saying "OUCH! that must have hurt a lot!"
but right now i dont have any idea where to put myself into. before, i knew where i was goin, i knew what i am doing...but now? i dont know what came into me but there is this intense anger and guilt and confusion tapping inside my head. i used to raise my chin up and do what i must. but lately, i was like "what are they going to think about me. am i supposed to do this or what? i feel like i am going again to the line of social norms, the fact of conforming to them, doing WHAT THEY WANT ME TO BE.

olryt i guess this is it for now.

naiinis lang ako pag naaalala ko yung drayber namen...kingina nyan, tawagin ba daw akong hudas?

tangna.

e kung tutuusin mas may hawig sya kay pontio pilato.

ahhhh fuckk off real world!!

so here is PUMPKIN. :)

+pasasalamat+

2006-01-05T05:25:48Z

anywho i would like to thank all the people who wtched LIGAW SA QUIPO nd greeted us last nyt...actully i was in great deal of AWE when i saw mysel on the TV

MUKHA AKONG:

1. HAGGARD
2. PANGET
3. TANGA

hahahahhaha. abnoy ampotek. pero it is such an experience. i cant stop myself from giggling while watching the show... i just some of you guys watched :)

I ALMOST FORGOT THAT PEPE SMITH was also mentioned through me. hehehehe sabi ni direk eh

i was also at that point when i wasnt that sure about my answers since i was really damn tired about school stufs that has been my burden since the school year began. much as i wanted to interact more with the camera, i cannot since i feel nauseated and very stressed...hmmm adding to tht is my GF attacking me through text. hahaha.

I there are parts on the VIDEO that hs been ommited...but the whole idea is luckily in tact.

react react naman jan....hhahha

---ANUNSYO!!!!----

2006-01-03T00:38:00Z

LIGAW SA QUIAPO on ABC 5 Tommorrow, JANUARY 4,2006 WEDENESDAY, 11pm

PLS SUPPORT and RELAY.thanks!!!! :)

+ Joyeux NoeL +

2005-12-24T16:31:37Z

Funny how i write my thoughts here instead of plunging myself with foods prepared downstairs.

I cant help but to realize and force myself up here, lock my room and talk to myself about the things that have happened to me this year...

again im in the same cycle again. i still remember the exact date, for obvious reasons, it is in fact the 25th of December when i was wallowing inside the dark corners of the very same room im in now. Listening to the same music i have been listening before, The Gathering.

I feel very nostalgic ryt at this point, but as i come to think about it, life has come full circle. it has again completed its cycle, its process, its organization...everything...

The very same date that i have took my first step in the realm of those people disgraced by the society, and again im back to those times when i was evaluating those condusive thoughts about myself and how i grow fond about me, realizing my weaknesses tuning it as my strengths and have delivered my once antagonized soul into the prying eyes of the society. i give back my love to those people, the very same people who have touched my life and made it beautiful. To you Jyl and CC, it wouldnt have been better without you guys. i love you so much. i still rememeber the times when we stayed on the fone for long and talk about how life sucks and how cruel the world is, now i have come to realize the world wasnt that cruel afterall instead the world have given me so much what i could offer, your love and support. :) missin the days... we have surpassed the year filled with laughter and tears, but somehow it made me a better person, and i owe this to you...:)

Listening to the music by the Gathering is like hitting my memory with a flash, so many things coming to me, those old feelings that has left untouched this year, the very same feeling i have before, the very same pain i have felt, the very same emotion, the darkness, the silence in the ruthless world filled with so much noise...the serenity it brings keeps me intact to the core of my soul. such intense feeling of sadness keeps me in touch with the reality, contrasting it to what is really happening outside...keepsaking all those memories, the feeling of being secured even if you feel alone, the touch in your flesh knowing that in the end, you only have yourself and that it wont ever leave you till death comes in strike.

These laconic circumstances keeps me on the ground, keeps me in sanity that what we have in these world are precious than the brightest stones ever to be discovered, forgive my exxageration or maybe i might be overreacting but the thing is, you guys have been my precious but simple treasures i have in this world. thank you so much...

I know i have been blessed to have someone like Jane, i have never imagined that we would stay this long...never have i expected that for 6 months, ill be able to survive with all the madness love could give, the little perks we had, those "near-end" scenarios and such...i dont know what keeps me going, was it love after all? or just something i cannot even decipher? whatever that is, all i know is that right now im happy that im with her and im pretty sure that what ever it is that im feeling right now is something extraordinaire, i even tried to shut our relationship off because things have been really rough on us, but something is holding me back, the pain of leaving her...the fact that once its gonna happen it will surely hit me back thrice i have given. things in life seems more dramatic when destiny plays his game, funny that somtimes what you dont expect to happen turns out to be likely different, our first and second month together is more subtle and light, i even rushed to say "dont try to dictate me blah blah" ..." this is just a game, cmon, ill play yours..." , "play with your mind not with your heart..." and what's even more stunning is that i told her "I can trade our relationship with my friends..." YOU ARE DEFINITELY BAD JUNELLE!! absolutely bad!!...but again, it somehow turned against me, the cards flipped, and now, it was a different story. you know it.

Piece of crap, how many times have i tried to yell at her and said mean things to her? but yet, its as if im still not willing to leave the ride. Yes, she's way too immature for me, she's definitely stubborn, and she's exquisitely demanding. But still, it kills me to think that leaving her wouldnt be something i have to choose...maybe in future...i could not even tell...

Im now trying to close anothe chaptr in my life...i know more things lie ahead...its rather scary and difficult to accept that in another year to start, life wouldnt give so much clues about my future...what will become of me and what i have to take in the future, the paths i mean. But one thing is for sure, whatever cycle i maybe, ill try to make the most out of it, learn from it and deal with it.

as i end my statement, magtatagalog na muna ako.

PUTANGINA...pls, nuod kayo sa JANUARY 4 ng DOKYU ENTITLED "LIGAW SA QUIAPO" wag nio akong tatawanan dahil talagang nakakatawa ako at alam kong wala ng sense ang mga sinasabi ko dun...yung iba utos ni direk bwekekekeke.

o sampol ba kamo? eto o. PANAKAW ERWIN!! a.k.a migraineboi sa LJ

hahaha. feeling...

MERI XMAS mga Gungong...

!@#%^&**())___

SA MGA SUMUSUNOD

DWEIN#$^&

Jukie***%$$

%@&*)BiJaN

MikE-_-

SteFF%&($&*

>>>""" MacY

JomI *%*&%&

CriS! "_"

ArniI!!

IZA!!!!

JESSSIIIIEEEEE!!

KaTrinA!!!!!

ViKeI!!! a.k.a BK

LafaNg!!!!

LunA!! kilala bilang LYN!!!

JarEk *%%*%*^$& "PIS NA TAYO HEHE"

at sa lahat ng nakalimutan kong batiin...

PAMASKO KO!!! hehehhehee..

+ AnoTher DeLayEd UpdAte +

2005-12-18T04:55:55Z

yes i know, inaaamag na tong journal ko.

kung may mga insektekto na dito sa computer ko, may silverfish na dito sa computer ko na lumalamon na ng mga pahina ng blog ko.

and i was away for quite a while...been very busy again for the past few weeks. been terribly isolated in the civilization as they *my classmates* would say.

i even had no time to hang out with my other friends in school, i was out in the field for my practicum, and another thing is, me and my other pals were planning for our product endorsement for the upcoming ADFEST. and yet, it seems that the boost for the creative juices we had in our VIDEOFEST seems to deteriorate, moreso we didint have the drive to do such, much like we wanted to...but the MAGIC IS NOT THERE.

Anyhow, the good news is... WE WERE CHOSEN BY ABC 5's "DOKYU" TO AIR OUR documentary entitled "LIGAW SA QUIAPO" as their new year episode...hahaha BUENA MANO ika nga.

the shoot will take place in CEU this coming tuesday...hahahhaha

as for the practicum for TV, we are in for EAT BULAGA...hahahahhhahahahahaha

la lang ala akong masabi eh...sa susunod nalang ulit...tinatamad na akong magtype...hahahah

+ooiihihihi+

2005-10-09T16:26:13Z

+ huminga ka ng malalim.... +

2005-09-25T13:45:16Z

Sa wakas, natapos na din ang VIDEOFEST 2005.Nairaos namin ng maayos at matiwasay ang 3 buwan ng paghihirap. Kahapon na ang tinatawag na "THIS IS IT.." halo halo ang feeling na nararamdaman ng grupo namen...mahirap din yung kalaban namen, ang SECTION A. magaling din naman sila. pero syempre mas proud ako sa gawa namen...

Ang theme? haha. FUTURISTIC...pero, sumalungat kami kasi ayaw namen maging sunudsunuran sa SECTION A. hehe. parang gago lang...

o eto, sampol...

ayan, para lang tanga...eto ang mga awards na nakuha namen...

BEST CONCEPT in DOCUMENTARY ENTRY
BEST CONCEPT in TVE PROD. (over all)
BEST VIDEOGRAPHY
BEST DIRECTOR...*AKU YUN!! HEHE*
1st runner-up in DOCUMENTARY *nakuha namen yung talong best pero di namin nakuha yung BEST DOCU...weird..*
1st runner-up best prmotions

madami pa...di ko na maalala...

dibale...babawi kami sa ADFEST. *advertising festival*

this time. FULL FORCE NA ITO.

+ ...shhhh +

2005-09-01T13:48:31Z

My fucked up brain is not working...

ive been really busy doing A LOT of stuffs.

i havent had sleep, AND I STILL HAVE 5 days straight of being a ZOMBIE.

yes... may 5 araw ako para hindi matulog dahil we need to finish the shoot and everything...

my brain is not functioning.

kill me now...or else.

BY THE WAY.

SAD FOR ME COZ I AINT GOIN TO THE ATROCITY. i promised some ill be goin.

but because of some UNFORTUNate EVENTS.

damn...my whole life is ruined...

huhu

can somebody give me a glass of EXTRA JOSS??

+ R.I.P +

2005-07-18T05:21:38Z

FROM NOW ON, this will be for FRIENDS-ONLY journal.

if u like to be added then justify yourself why there is a need to add you...

===><===

im in the point of despondency.

things are becoming more complex.

mga bagay na lumalayo... nawawala...

mga taong nandyan, biglang nawala...

di ko maintindihan ang ikot ng mundo..

paalam muna sa ilang pangarap.

gusto ko na ding sumabay sa agos at matangay ng panahon, dala ang aking pagkatao.

gusto kong mawala sa mga paningin ng mga mapanlinlang at mapangaping mga mata.

gusto kong bawiin ang mga bagay na dati'y pagmamayari ko...

pasensya na sa lahat...kung may nasabi man akong mali o kahit anu pa man patawad.

hahanap muna ako ng sisilungan.

masyado na rin akong nabasa ng ulan...

at sa mga taong malalapit sa puso ko. asahan nio andito pa rin ako.

sa pagtikom ng aking mga labi dala ko ang mga masasayang mga ala ala natin...mga tawanan at mga lungkot...

isa na rin ako sa mga taong lilipad at aalis...

...

salamat sa inyo...

+ IsaNg LinggoNG paGkabaliw, mga kwEnTo, at aNg mgA LigAw sa QuiaPo +

2005-07-16T13:58:52Z

Una sa lahat nais kong humingi ng paumanhin kay Jarek, a.k.a LAMBINO dahil sa pagaakalang ako yung tinutukoy nia. salamat kung hindi man ako yun.:)

--

eto ngayon ako may sakit.

masama ang lalamunan, may ubo, at muntikan pang magkasipon.

di bale, etong week namang ito e maganda naman. kahit mejo may mga ilang di pagkakainitindihan, hindi ko na rin masyadong binigyang pansin dahil sa dami ko ding ginagawa sa eskwelahan.

--

LUNES.

hmm, umuwi na naman ako sa sta. mesa, sa apartment namen. ansarap ulit maging mapagisa, nakakatuwang isipin na sa buong isang linggo, kasama ko lang sarili ko. walang ingay, walang kalat, walang gulo. hehe so ayun, tambay lang at kasama ko ang aking bubu kinahapunan.

teka, nakita ko to sa prenster ng tropa ko....

--

MARTES.

tapos na rin sa wakas ang introduction ko,hmmm, 7 pages yun na sobrang tumambling din ako nung nabasa ko, yung theoretical and conceptual framework on the go na. i have 7 theories para masupport ang thesis ko, ang problema, pano ko ipaparadigm... hehe.ayos naman yung iba.
afternoon quality time with my bubu hehe

--

MIYERKULES.

haha. after class i asked my friends kung pwede akong samahan sa mall para bumili ng regalo para sa 1st monthsary namen ng bubu ko kinabukasan. then inuman sessions till 230 in the a.m., thursday.

tangna, ayus din pala uminom ng gran matador. LOL asensado, dati empi lang solb na HAHAHA.

isaw.

coke bilang chaser

kantahan

tawanan at...

PITYUR PITYUR!!!

--

HUWEBES.

etong araw na eto ang nakakaaning sa lahat, galing kame ng quiapo for the ocular inspection and interview sa mga manghuhula at mga nagpapadasal...hmm...nakakbaliw ang mga hula saken...TOTOO NA SANA EH...sumablay lang sa isa, sabi nia saken, iniwan daw ako ng BOYPREN ko dahil sa isang babae, traydor daw yung nangiwan saken..WATDAPAK?!!! haha sobrang gusto kong silaban yung pwesto nia nun. pero syempre kunyare wala akong narinig...LOL pero deep inside natawa ako.nabasa lang naman ako sa ulan pauwi..

Isa sa pinakamasaya kong araw. natutuwa ako dahil isang buwan na kami ni Jane, ang bubu ko...i have spent a day with her. masaya lang kase sobrang quality time ang buhos nia saken...i received a wallet na black, tas accesories. hehe.then after that umuwi kami sa Santol sta. mesa, ayun...i gave her my gift, a pair of earrings and a bracelet...then harutan...then kulitan...tapos...basta yun! ang alam ko lab nia ako at lab na lab ko din ang bubu ko...hihi.

eto pic.

kaya after nun, pumunta kami ng CCP para manood ng ANG PAGDADALAGA ni Maxie Oliveros. after that we went to baywalk para kumain at magkwentuhan.

eto ulit pix namen.

BK wid the magic CHOCONUT

haha...BK wid Cathy a close fren of mine

--

BIYERNES

wala naman...pumasok sa eskwelahan...natulog...kumain...at magkulitan wid bubu...again...nyahahaha!

--

+ E Ano kung CAMWHORE kame?, wag ka ng UMANGAL!..kanya kanyang trip lang! HALA MALUNOD KA! +

2005-07-10T15:40:38Z

= This entry is only for THOSE who can take our VANITY, yes we are camwhores...so who gives a F_ck and buzz about it? =

DEAL WITH IT.

anyways, We did our FIRST COMPOSITION ever a while ago. ha! and im very happy and glad about it.we conducted our rehearsal at mike's place. twas a good thing that we are complete. the song already has a body, we just have to make its clothes.

we still dont have the lyrics yet, not even the title. but i gues the idea and the melody for it is surely a great thing.

Iza, Steff, Mike, Bijan Ron, Jomi and Macy were there. of course it was so nice to be with those people.

--

for the band, im thinking that we'll have to compose something that we could relate our influences into. what i mean is, If Joms, would like to have something metal, not really metal but something hard, maybe we could make one or like in my case, i want it more on the acoustic side or DARK acoustics, then maybe we could make something about it to. like we'll have different genres of music instigated in the band. so we could meet halfway...watya think?

--

I think we'll have to work this out double. for us to progress. Joms if there is any problem just tell it to me okay?

Mike Steff and Bijan, umm if you have something in your mind jus tell it to me.

--

Ultima Forsan meaning PERHAPS THE LAST

--

I discovered that JOMI has a talent...something really FREAKY...so is steff.

--

Macy reminded me of my highskul frend...hehe :)

--

Ron and Bijan, as always, i was in awe to see their newly dyed hair. LOL

--

Went to Mega after the rehearsal. LOL CAMWHORIN TIME.

--

okay. here are the PICs that has long been overdue...

these pics were taken a while ago and last last week.

sorry for the delay tho..\\

+ INDIE FILMS+

2005-07-04T15:41:47Z

GUYS BAKA PWEDE NIO NAMAN AKONG MATULUNGAN...

my thesis is all about INDIE FILMS

the title?

" THE RISING POPULARITY OF INDEPENDENT FILMS IN THE PHILIPPINES: AN IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS "

baka naman meron kayung alam na resources or books regarding this.

i really need it badly.

TO NII, JULIE AND THE REST. i hope you guys could help me. i really wanted to promote INDIE films...sana in some ways you could help me.

kahit si LOVE DIAZ sana makausap ko hahaha.

yun lang po

:)

+ANTHEMS FOR THE DEPARTED+

2005-07-03T10:13:06Z

hehehe. yeah, it was hell of a night. nakakatuwa kasi i wasnt planning to go to that gig kaya lang etong si Jyllie e sobrang nangonsensya. hahaha. pero thanks na rin at nakonsensya nia ako dahil i didnt want to miss the bands who played there. ha!

beat that!

grabe, ansaya, steff was there with joms and with jyl. hahah! ansaya nung araw ko!! shet.

namiss ko si jyl :(

hehe.

SCARLET TEARS PLAYED>. cant help to record the gig. hahaha. :)

oe eto pic namen

| *Grimorium_Obscura* |